Dear Professional Wrestling Gods of 2017,
It’s a long-shot. I know I’m being greedy. But I would like to furnish you with my deepest hopes and wishes for the new year in professional wrestling. I ask a boon, please hear me out first before you sentence us all to regurgitated storylines and regurgitated storylines at the big shows.
I recently re-watched so many fantastic matches across the professional wrestling cosmos from this dying year. The matches of the year. There is much for which to be grateful in 2016 professional wrestling. Kenny Omega alone makes me feel I’ve been selfish in not merely basking in his glory and feeling satisfied.
As you gods are well aware, one can never be satisfied as a professional wrestler or fan. Contentment is stagnation, of course. This is a “universe”, so to speak, of indulgence and desire, and as such there is a mythic element to what pleases us, your professional wrestling supplicants, and what does not. I’m not saying we’re being logical (often, we fans are not), but we’re being heart-ful. And while there are Okadas and Styleses and Young Guns all around us, I beg of you to send us a few things for the new year. Most of it is in WWE, as you may have guessed:
- Please raise NJPW into near-ubiquity and please force a global feud for fans between WWE and NJPW. This is the long-shottiest of long-shots, but come on. Shows on NJPW and then on WWE, their booking styles and presentations clashing along with the talent? This would be a truer display of the majesty and mania that is professional wrestling in the 2o-teens.
- Please send us well-rounded angles that spawn disparate angles so that the glut of talent can be well-utilized in the glut of programming time accorded. Sasha Banks, Bayley, Charlotte, Becky Lynch et al are deserving of their spotlights, but their spotlight would be ever brighter if they shared it with the other deserving women being held in the shadows. Same goes for the tag team division on RAW–there are plenty of duos and trios to go around, and I beseech you for clarity as to why they are not given more opportunities. Why is there not a white-hot fight to have the gold by more than just 6 competitors?
- Also, if you might, please make a decision regarding the United States Championship. I know you have held this gold in apparent low standing for nearly as long as it’s existed in WWE, and I seek answers in the stars from you. Pourquoi? Why let it dangle in obscurity and disrepair when it is supposed to be that of reverence and prestige?
- Please give us less McMahons, and more of the in-ring talent to duke it out for themselves. We recognize your fealty/partnership sworn to the McMahon clan, but could we get a breather?
- This one might seem petty, but as you will see, it is essential: please bestow upon us bounteous referees that enforce and keep track. I hate to criticize, but the quasi-10 second count in 2016 is not what it used to be. Time is enough of a wonky wormhole, don’t you think?
- Please give us WK10-caliber wrestling programming from now till… ever?
- Please ratchet back the hyper-controlled feeling to current WWE programming. What I mean by that is that WWE is hyper-produced, and is lacking that chaotic, outlaw, strange energy of yore. Of all of yore, to be precise, and of other promotions across the globe now. Please, gods, use this your grandest stage to de-sanitize.
- Please keep TopRopePress.com in your good graces.
- Please stop the Emmalina promos or yours truly’s head might blow off her shoulders.
Perhaps I have gone on too long, but the new year only comes around, well, once a year. And just like any good worker, I gotta get my $h*t in.
Please leave us a comment with your wishes, great or small, for the new year in professional wrestling! Or, tell us who you think the professional wrestling gods would be if you had to assign late talent to the pantheon. Or, say whatever.
Please check out our upcoming features on the Top Rope Press year end awards, that is a must!